What Your Silence Tells Others

Some leaders are outspoken while others prefer to be low key. In a recent NBC interview with Brian Williams, Apple CEO Tim Cook revealed a leaning towards introversion and silence. When asked what it was like shifting from a senior executive position to that of CEO, he said, "I'm a very private person, I like my being anonymous." (for the full transcript, click here)

For extroverts, finding silence during a week is very important even though silence is not their natural leaning. For introverts, finding silence is easy since they prefer less stimulation on any given day.

For both groups, silence speaks volumes. It tells others any number of things about them and how they approach work. It also is subjectively interpreted by those around the leader.

As an example, I like to spend the first 90 minutes of my day without meetings. I prepare my day, meet with my assistant and crank out the tasks that absolutely must get done that day. When I do this, the rest of the day goes better. I'm more focused and can give myself to those around me. When I don't do this, I'm distracted and experience guilt.

I realize that not everyone has a job with full control over each hour of the day. It's also true that some jobs are urgency driven. An ER nurse's job is to respond to anyone who comes through the door. Can you imagine it any other way? Still, when you choose to practice silence during the day, you tell others something about you.

The mom who tells her kids that she needs a 15 minute break so that she can have a devotional prayer time says something profound. She's telling her kids that the home is about noise AND quiet. She's telling her kids that faith needs listening and listening only happens when we are quiet.

The CEO who starts his day by getting quiet and closing his door for 30 minutes tells those around him that he's there for them AND can only be fully engaged if he begins his day with quietude. He's actually deepening his leadership platform by showing those in the organization that he is available most of the time but not all of the time.

The couple that takes a long drive in the country and doesn't feel the need to talk is practicing silence. Their silence says that they've run out of things to say AND that love is totally ok with that. Sometimes love is just being in the presence of the one you love.

What is your silence telling others?

*Photo Courtesy of FDT

7 Ways to Make Your Faith Portable

So your relationship with Jesus means something to you on Sunday but can you bring it with you on Monday?

This is of course THE question that haunts most Christians each Sunday as they leave church.  The problem isn't the gravity of the question but the fact that so many believers don't realize that their faith is portable.

You can take it with you, even if it means to work.

Here are my seven simple ways to bring your faith with you to work:

1. Begin your day in prayer, asking God to keep you on the calm and confident path.  Nothing beats a good quiet time in the morning.  
2. Begin every commute with a prayer.  Take a breath, close your eyes and ask for God's safety during your ride.
3. Bless yourself whenever you pass by a Christian church.  Thank God for His presence there and in the lives of those that worship there.
4. Use a pocket device to trigger on-the-fly prayers.  A small cross, a rock, a rosary- whatever will trigger your mind and heart to pray is good.  Think of how many times during the day that you put your hands in your pockets, etc.
5. Take a break during the day... with God.  Whether at lunch or in your walk around the building, spend time with God and process the past hour or two of your work.  Imagine you're having a chat with a trusted friend.
6. Tell someone that you'll pray for them.  After all, you didn't expect to just keep your faith to yourself did you?
7. Decompress on your route home.  I like to stop at an Episcopalian church parking lot on my way home.  This puts just the right amount of margin between me and being fully present at home.

Your faith is too important to leave at Church.  Let's encourage one another as we keep opening the doors to God at home and at work.

Question: Why is it so difficult to think of God in the midst of a busy day?

Photo courtesy of PS

What I Learned From a Week Without Power

I write this post hesitantly.  There’s this little voice that feels guilty even reflecting on “blessings” when so many of my closest friends are still without power, heat and running water. 

Hurricane Sandy came and went but left her mark, that she did.

There is also a sense of quick relief, maybe too quick, because our “normal lifestyle” has been restored and is now almost like it was prior to the hurricane.  Our minds are so well trained to seek pleasure that I can feel the pain of last week drifting away.  I want to put it out of my mind and download some dumb computer game while turning on all of the lights in my house and streaming live video on my iPad.

But I also don’t want to forget.  Not at all.

I don’t want to forget last week.  I don’t want to because a part of me feels guilty because of what has been restored to my own family.  Lights.  Heat.  Hot water.  Internet.  More importantly, I don’t want to forget because, for one small stretch of life, I could relate to the poor.  We were poor in heat, lights, food, comfort, and leisure.

It didn't feel good.

On the other hand, we were rich at the same exact time.  We were wealthy in how much more we spoke with our neighbors. We were rich in how we tried to encourage each other when one of us felt like complaining.  We were rich in the time that it took to prepare meals.  With the microwave out of commission, simple meals of bread and soup came alive thanks to the help of a side burner on the bbq grille.  

For five long days, we were rich while at the same time being poor.

I kept a candle lit tonight after dinner.  My eight year old reminded me that our power was back and we didn’t need the candles any more.  I told him that I didn’t want to forget last week.  Innocently and honestly, he said, “I don’t want to remember last week at all!  It was horrible.”  He is, of course, very right.  One would never choose to be out of power for a week.  Why would you?

Suffering is like that.  It repels and attracts at the same time. We walk by homeless people and simultaneously want to stare and look away.  Can you relate to that?  For many thousands of people in New York, Connecticut and New Jersey after the hurricane, the response is the same.  Some just want to move on and forget that it all happened, like my eight year old.  Others will have to live with the devastation for months or years to come.  

So what did I learn from a week without power?  First, what I missed the most:

1. The ability to communicate with my friends and colleagues.

2. Hot coffee at any time of the day.

3. High speed internet.

4. Heat and afternoon lighting.

5. The ability to charge my devices.

6. Podcast listening during my commute.

What didn’t I miss?  (And some of these may surprise you!)

1. Refrigeration.

2. TV.

3. All Saints Day.  It’s not that I don’t like All Saints Day, I do.  It’s rather that I was so consumed with getting my family through the day that we had forgotten all about All Saints.  

What have I learned through all of this?  

1. Take nothing for granted.  Not your family or a good night’s sleep or a warm meal.  It could all go away in the blink of an eye so cherish it, hold it close to you and thank God for whatever you have.

2. Help those that you can.  I can’t cook my way out of a paper bag but I can brew coffee.  Today I made a pot of coffee for someone without power and poured it into a carafe.  When I gave it to my friend, she could only give back a hug which was way better than what I had to offer.

3. Put more stock into routines.  They bring momentum which brings success.  During a time of disaster, they also bring order, calm and a sense of stability. Get really good at them because they matter a whole lot. 

4. Try not to forget.  Whether you light a candle, frame a photo or keep a quote in your wallet or purse, remembering tragedy is very, very important.  It keeps you humble and helps to avoid careless waste.

I’d love to hear your insights from last week’s Hurricane event.  How are you doing and what are you learning?

Photo courtesy of AB

7 Signs That Your Faith May be Veering off the Road

I ran into a friend at church who proudly shared photos of her new granddaughter. Little Cindy, now resting peacefully at home, had a tough couple of weeks. It turns out that after a difficult delivery, the baby was facing dehydration. She had to then be hospitalized in order to receive the fluids that her body craved.

My friend looked me in the eye and said without hesitation, “it was serious, very serious.” Thankfully, Cindy is now doing much better.

Just like a health situation that can be serious, our spiritual lives can face circumstances of dire consequence as well. When faith takes a wrong turn, it's as dangerous as a car that strikes the guardrail. Take situations of mortal sin. There’s no question that adultery can destroy a marriage. There are few who doubt that murder scars a soul.

While Cindy was being watched hour by hour to measure her health, our adult lives are more subtle and the signs of sin can be invisible. Fortunately if you can spot them, pride in particular, you can head sin off at the pass. The result: spiritual hydration for the long haul.

So what are the signs of pride in an adult’s life? I suggest the following seven signs:

1. You are easily offended.

2. You are overly critical of others.

3. You cop a victim mindset.

4. You blame others.

5. You aren’t praying for others.

6. You expect that others will accommodate you.

7. You think you have all of the answers.

We could say a whole lot more about each of these. I think the key is to pray for the grace of deep humility. Fr. Thomas Augustine Judge once said that “humility is truth”, meaning that if we are honest with ourselves, we’ll be slower to judge them and quicker to demonstrate compassion. More humility leads to better honesty and as they say, honesty is the only policy for a faith that stays on the right path.

When was the last time that you caught yourself in one of the seven traps listed above?

Photo courtesy of MD

Three Spiritual Lessons from House Selling

The day the sign went up I could feel the stares.

Neighbors, previously friendly to us, suddenly raised an eye brow as the realtor put the stakes into the ground. "Home for Sale" became a symbol of traitorship in our quiet suburban development. Why would they want to move? What's wrong with this neighborhood? You could almost hear the dinner conversation about the family in the white house that just put their house up for sale.

I avoided Herbie, my closest friend on the block, for days on end. I felt guilty, as if my desire to move was a statement of dissatisfaction with him or his backyard. It wasn't of course but the emotional pull of moving does weird things to your head.

Now a few months later and with a boat load of showings under our belt, I can say that we have gleaned (at least) three spiritual lessons from the house selling process.

1. House selling increases your faith. It's not a great market in which to sell. The economy isn't exactly "shovel ready" and everyone wants a deal. So much of the house selling process is out of your control that you literally have to throw it up to God and trust that He will work out the details. That's great for your faith.


2. House selling increases communication within your own family. Cary and I have had more conversations with our kids about our home, our town and what we really need (i.e. space, bedrooms, etc.) as a result of putting our house up for sale. More communication = better relationships.


3. House selling expands your vision for the future. When you leverage something that you own, it helps you to measure what's really important. That, in turn, leads to big thoughts about your future. For us, the house selling process has brought a lot of clarity to where we want to be in the short and the long term.

As of today our house hasn't sold. I wish it had but I'm grateful for the three lessons that we've learned along the way. Finally, Herbie and I are back on speaking terms.

What did you learn from the last time you had to purchase or sell a home?

Photo courtesy of SR