Three Spiritual Lessons from House Selling

The day the sign went up I could feel the stares.

Neighbors, previously friendly to us, suddenly raised an eye brow as the realtor put the stakes into the ground. "Home for Sale" became a symbol of traitorship in our quiet suburban development. Why would they want to move? What's wrong with this neighborhood? You could almost hear the dinner conversation about the family in the white house that just put their house up for sale.

I avoided Herbie, my closest friend on the block, for days on end. I felt guilty, as if my desire to move was a statement of dissatisfaction with him or his backyard. It wasn't of course but the emotional pull of moving does weird things to your head.

Now a few months later and with a boat load of showings under our belt, I can say that we have gleaned (at least) three spiritual lessons from the house selling process.

1. House selling increases your faith. It's not a great market in which to sell. The economy isn't exactly "shovel ready" and everyone wants a deal. So much of the house selling process is out of your control that you literally have to throw it up to God and trust that He will work out the details. That's great for your faith.


2. House selling increases communication within your own family. Cary and I have had more conversations with our kids about our home, our town and what we really need (i.e. space, bedrooms, etc.) as a result of putting our house up for sale. More communication = better relationships.


3. House selling expands your vision for the future. When you leverage something that you own, it helps you to measure what's really important. That, in turn, leads to big thoughts about your future. For us, the house selling process has brought a lot of clarity to where we want to be in the short and the long term.

As of today our house hasn't sold. I wish it had but I'm grateful for the three lessons that we've learned along the way. Finally, Herbie and I are back on speaking terms.

What did you learn from the last time you had to purchase or sell a home?

Photo courtesy of SR

7 Ways to Put Your Family First

A friend of mine has a habit. About twice a year he loses track of time at work and arrives home very late, hours after his family expected him. As you can imagine, this habit is not one that his spouse is particularly fond of.

I’m not immune to this as I’ve on occasion, returned home later than I had hoped. As I get older though, my wife has helped me to see that getting home late is a major no-no.

If you don’t think that it’s a marriage killer, try it a few times and when you get the evil eye (which is taught in the wife handbook, page 104), shrug it off. That will go over real well…

Andy Stanley of Northpoint Church wrote about this dynamic in his book, Choosing to Cheat. He essentially says this: be clear about whom you are going to cut short in terms of time. Every day, you must choose one priority over another. Once you know your priorities, you can choose the most important actions to take.

What he means is that if you believe your spouse really comes first in your life, you really don’t have the luxury of making a social withdrawal by coming home much later than you had planned. As Covey famously said years ago, “put first things first”. This applies your family as much as anything.

So here is my quick list on simple ways that you can put your family first in the whole work-family dynamic:

1. Leave work at a particular time every day. Whether it’s four, five or six p.m., try to stick to a particular time. This will help your spouse with dinner planning or the occasional errand on a week night.

2. Surprise your spouse once a month by coming home early. This works every time and shows your spouse that work doesn’t always come before family. My wife isn’t crazy about flowers but sees time home early as an even better gift from me to her. I love showing up at the back door and surprise her.

3. Believe in the concept of a meeting “with yourself”. That way, you can leave on time, knowing that your meeting is actually a time to get home and be with your family.

4. Practice transitioning. You can take a deep breath before you enter the house, reminding yourself that you are no longer at work. You can also use the time in which you change your clothes to refocus on the second part of the day (I.e. 5-9pm). Very productive people know that a short amount of time is needed in order to shift from work to home mode. Without the transition, you'll end up being short with your spouse as if you are still in work mode. Not a good idea.

5. In the event that you are running late, call ahead. Better to communicate when your lateness shows up rather than when it blows up a few hours later.

6. Go into work late once in a while. This can’t apply to everyone but if your job allows for any degree of flexibility, go in later and make up the time on the backend. Sometimes a breakfast with your spouse can go a long way to tell her that you consider family more important than work.

7. Turn off your gear. When you’re home, don’t be checking email or your phone. This is super difficult, I know, but nothing says “you’re not important” more than checking email when you should be helping your kids with their homework.

By practicing these habits of “family first”, you can communicate to your family that they matter. Big time. Now that’s a habit that will pay dividends now and into the future.

How to Cut Down on Your Errands

Would you like to reduce your weekend errands so that you have more time for your family or friends?  Do you have a list of errands that you just wish someone else could do for you?  Better yet, would you like to find a simpler way to organize your errands? 

I hate errands. Actually if I'm honest, I really don't hate them. I just don't like it when they take up time that I'd rather spend doing something of more value.  Stuff like being with Cary and the kids or working at school.

There are usually two kinds of errands:

• those you can complete on your way to something else
• those that take up dedicated, focused energy

It's the second kind that usually gets in the way. These errands are unique and time consuming. We tend to put them off because we either don't know how to tackle them or find them unpleasant.

I experience this about every three months. I blame the oil change light in my Toyota but really the blame falls on my shoulders.

For whatever reason, I haven't mastered the concept of the oil change. I get it done but typically about a thousand miles over when I should. I have a ton of excuses but most of them are lame (the garage is far from work, forgetfulness, the non-urgency of the task, etc.).

Besides the inconvenience of errands like an oil change, they typically don't produce a high level of joy or satisfaction. I mean, who truly loves another trip to Doug's Auto Garage?  

So what to do?

This week we're inviting all readers (and listeners of the podcast) to take part in a reduction of errands.  My kids think that this is totally nerdy but they actually are the ones who benefit the most from me doing less errands on the weekend.  

Who really wants to spend 30-40% of their free time running errands? I know that I don't so here are some suggestions that can reduce your errands by 25% or more:

1. Hire a personal assistant: if your errands are digital (preparing taxes, scanning documents, etc.), why not hire a Virtual Assistant? With resources like ODesk.com or Elance.com, you can find a "V.A." in about 15 minutes at very low cost. If your errands are geographically dependent, you can find help through a resource like CraigsList.com or through word of mouth. Some might object that spending the money to have someone pick up your dry cleaning is wasteful but ask yourself, "What is my time really worth?" Hiring someone might free you up to spend time on better things.  Mike Hyatt has a solid resource on the reasons for going V.A. in order to save you personal time on tasks.  You may also be able to find a neighbor, a retired person or just someone looking for a few hours a week who could help you.
2. Buy more gift cards: think of all of the time that you spend trying to find that "perfect gift" for someone's birthday. I suggest skipping this and just buying a gift card or a gift certificate. This might not work for every situation but it is a super option more often than not. Best of all, it will save you a ton of time.  I have a wedding coming up and while I wouldn't recommend a gift card in that situation, I'll be giving cash for sure.
3. Simplify your yard: look at it this way- you could spend two hours mowing your lawn or you could install some ornamental grasses and perennial flowers that require no maintenance and still look nice. The result- you only have to mow for one hour a week, saving you 40 hours a year. Now that's a trade-off worth making.  The less maintenance, the better.
4. Simplify your wardrobe: most of us only need 5-10 different outfits for work and about the same for casual wear. Start by weeding out old stuff that you haven't worn in years. Then settle on a few brands that you like and invest in quality items. I like Joseph A. Bank for my dress clothes and Timberland for my casual clothes. This has saved me so much time and stress in that I don't have to shop for new items nearly as often because both brands design clothes to last for years.
5. Just don't do them: when all else fails, skip the errands. There is a cost to this for sure but you might actually get away with not doing some of the things that you dread and are taking up your valuable personal time.  Use caution with this one but always ask yourself, "Do I really need to do that errand?"

What can you do this week to cut down on errands?

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Photo courtesy of FDP

The Case for the Three Day Weekend

My friend Fred only works from Monday to Thursday.  In the summers, only Monday to Wednesday.  I considered his substantial business success and tried to square that with what I saw as fewer work days- and Fred is a manager to boot!

One day I just asked him, “Fred, what’s the deal with taking Fridays off?”  Not defensively at all, Fred explained that after 9/11 his whole mindset changed and he wanted to spend more time with his family.  The work part, that would have to figure itself out.  I was dumbfounded that such a profoundly successful guy would actually put his family before his job. 

Guess what?  It hasn’t hurt him in the least, from a career standpoint.  From a family standpoint as well, things couldn’t be better for Fred and his family.

Now consider your own work schedule: what if you could create a framework so that you, like Fred, could enjoy a three day weekend each and every weekend.  According to one top thinker, it might be easier than you think.  

I’m enjoying the interview with Graham Allcott of ThinkProductive in anticipation of the latest Productive Magazine.  According to Allcott, people should consider Fred as less of an outlier and more of a model for knowledge work.  

The argument goes like this:

1. Knowledge workers can focus and crank out work in just four days per week.  If they really buckle down, kill off unnecessary meetings and schedule in “I’m-not-available” time, all of their work can get done in four days.  While in the agrarian economy, five or six days were necessary, today’s knowledge worker only needs four.  He's like a ninja weilding a sword towards unncessary interruptions and scheduled events.  

2. A three day weekend allows for true renewal.  When you return on Monday, you’re fresh and ready to rock and roll.  You didn’t spend most of your weekend running errands or doing lower level tasks.  The three full days off work for your wellbeing rather than against it.

3. By only working four days, you focus only on what’s truly important.  I know that in my own life, if I have to get something done, it gets done.  I once had months to prepare for an exam for my professional license.  The extra time did nothing but encourage me to procrastinate and study at the last minute.  On the other hand, if I only had a month to prepare, I probably would have studied more.

So what do you think?  Wouldn’t you like to work just four days per week?  It is possible with a bit of planning, an appreciative boss (unless you are the boss), and a desire to experiment with your own productivity.

Now that's a kind of work experiment that I think I'll try on for size.  

Photo courtesy of FE

Here's a Method for Working From Home When You Have Kids

I have Fridays off in the Summer and it's terrific.  No waking up at 5.  The ability to stay up late the night before.  Planning something special with the kids.  Oh and there's one more thing-

Getting a bit of work done.

While I have three day weekends in the Summer, there are still pieces of work projects that I take home with me.  And guess what?  I enjoy doing work from home, even though it's hard to do so.

Kids make life amazing, contemplative and something holy.

It's the kids, I keep telling Cary.  These short people who live in our home and demand so much attention, backpacks, food, errands, playdates- the list goes on.  Sometimes we'll laugh after the kids go to bed and say, "It's those darn kids! Our house would be cleaner and our bank account fatter without them."  And of course, we wouldn't trade them for the world. 

A sentiment that every parent feels I'm sure.  Kids make life amazing, contemplative and something holy.  

So back to the issue of work.  You have these amazing rugrats at home and still need to get an hour or two of work done.  This isn't a post for HomeWorkers like Aaron or Dave or my friend Gene. It's for the rest of us who just need a bit of focus on a random Friday in August.  

Here's a simple method for getting stuff done when you need to at home.  All it takes is a bit of courage and the ability to communicate your needs.  Are you ready for it? Wait for it, wait for it...

Tell your family that you need to work.  Then go and do it.  

This may sound overly simple but it's not.  The steps are simple.  

1. Tell your wife and kids that you have some important work that needs to get done.  Tell them the time when you have to do it.  Be specific and realistic.  
2. Build in a visual prompt for the space and time in which you are working.

Want to see it in action?  

• "Kids, Dad has to get some important work done today.  I plan to do it just after lunch and it will only take about an hour. Once Dad gets it done, I'm all yours and we can do some cool stuff."
• After lunch, announce that you're going to a particular place where you can focus and do your work.  
• If you have a dedicated space (I have a study in my basement), close the door to signal the reminder to the kids that you are working. If you don't have a dedicated space, find one.  Few people can work out in the open like on the couch when Cartoon Network is blaring in the background.  

Here's the catch- you can't abuse this protocol.  Let's say you finished your hour of work.  Don't let that carry into another hour.  Before you know it, the door banging will be deafening, followed by notes under the door and then someone will lose an eye.  If you can get up early and get your work done before the kids wake up, even better. The whole point of this is to focus your energy and attention on the things that you need to when you need to.  This works for me and my Fridays have been productive as a result.

What works for you when you have to work from home?

Photo courtesy of TB