Why the Present Moment is so Elusive

Let's face it, with all of our technology and gadgets, enjoying the present moment can be difficult.  Did I get a new text?  Is my email inbox free and clear?  The phone is ringing again!  

But even with technology, there may be another reason why the present moment is so darn difficult to enjoy.

Unresolved commitments.  

“Yesterday is gone. Tomorrow has not yet come. We have only today. Let us begin.”  Mother Theresa of Calcutta

If technology demands represent the tip of the iceberg, unresolved commitments are what lie beneath the surface.  Sure, a buzzing phone can be annoying but the noise of an unresolved commitment can be even louder. 

So what can you do to push back on the noise and enjoy the present moment more fully?  Here are three suggestions:

1. Write down your commitments.  Sometimes called a "mind dump" by GTD enthusiasts, this method gets things out of your head and out into the world.  
2. Find a task management system that works for you.  I like Nozbe and Producteev.  You may find something like Wunderlist a more simple and perfectly satisfying tool.  
3. Review your commitments weekly.  This could take place in a quiet space and should not take more than 30-45 minutes.  I like to steal some time on a Sunday afternoon when the kids' activities are winding down.  

That's it.  This three step approach will work every time.  I've used it now for a few years and find that it keeps things out of my head and into my system.  I can then be more fully present for my kids and my wife when they need me most.  

Why do you feel that the present moment is so elusive?

*photo by AMDG

How the Internet Changes Parenting

http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2125The old threats just don't work, at least not in the age of the internet. 

Remember the days when you could tell your kids that you'd shut off the TV if they didn't behave?  Or deny computer privileges for a week? My wife and I have clearly been outsmarted by a band of four people under the age of 12. 

Worse yet, they live in our house.

As our family journeyed through Lent this past Spring, my wife and I would often lob the kinds of threats that used to work.  Note the past tense.  We began with, "One more time and you'll lose computer use for the rest of the week..."  When it didn't seem to phase our oldest daughter, we wondered why.

Was my tone of voice off?  Had my wife tipped her hand too soon in the argument? Were we losing our parenting mojo? (ok, I would never actually think that much less use the word mojo outloud)

And then it struck us- we have enough iOS devices to run a small branch of Radio Shack.  The 11 year old just headed over to the iPad and started gaming there.  Plunked down on our Craigslist couch, she had worked the system to a "t".  The 8 year old grabbed my iPhone and voila- MineSweep magically appeared. He too had figured out that the internet no longer limits a person to just one device.

This is what the internet does to parents everywhere.  Since the old geographical threats no longer apply, we have to be more crafty than ever before.

Parents unite!

Where the World and the Church Intersect

What kind of Church do you have?

It's easy for the Church to bow to the alluring callings of the world.  It feels cool to have a Church that is staying up with the times.

I'll be the first to admit that I'd like to go to a Church with a coffee shop in the lobby and an ATM machine just outside the door.  I wouldn't mind a Church that helped me with car repair or a Church that actually took the poor seriously.  It would be nice to see a Church that valued preaching every week and not just at Christmas.  Imagine a Church that had great music all the time and not just when the choir really prepares extra hard.

This wish-list sounds lavish, I know.

God created the world and it's our job to help Him redeem and co-create it.  Whenever I hear someone rail against secularism, I try to listen carefully to see if they see the world as a totally barren place or one with the capacity for renewal. (I know, this is not a habit of normal people.)  This world-or-church paradigm is, I think, somewhat of a false dichotomy.

There is a soft spot for where the world intersects with the Church.  This just might be the place where the Gospel is needed the most.  Isn't that what it means to be "in but not of the world" as St. Paul preached?

Worldliness has been part of my own Advent journey this year.  Instead of letting the stuff of the world stress me out (be honest, when you see your neighbor putting up his Christmas lights, don't you feel a nudge to do the same?), I've gone with the flow and tried to take things more slowly.  It's not that I'm shunning the world but rather trying to respond appropriately.

My lights won't go up until this weekend.  I don't plan on sending out Christmas cards.  My co-worker gifts are all getting the same  gift (I ordered 10 copies of Jim Collins' book, Great by Choice).  I'm going to a Mass on Christmas eve at a place that I know will have inspiring music.

And guess what?  I feel great about all of this.  I think Christmas will be meaningful this year because our family has been intentional about Advent and how we see the intersection of the world and the Church.

It doesn't have to be an either/or proposition.

How to Extend Thanksgiving Beyond One Day

I saw them the other day.  Christmas decorations in all of their "glory" but showing up well before Thanksgiving.  My first reaction was to shake my head.  I thought to myself, "Doesn't anyone enjoy Thanksgiving any more?"  It seemed as if consumerism pushed Thanksgiving over in favor of the more lucrative Christmas season.

I'm now reading that "Black Friday" shopping may extend to Thanksgiving day itself.  I guess the must have gadget just can't wait to be purchased as it had in past years.  What's going on here?

Growing up in New England, Thanksgiving always held a special place in my family.  The last high school football game of the year was played on Thanksgiving.  My brothers would come home from college on Thanksgiving.  An odd relative might come by for the day.  The traditions, the food and good company always made for a memorable day.  It also seemed to be the break that was just long enough to get you to pause from the hectic pace of life.

As my wife and I are now raising a family of our own, we are trying to "extend" Thanksgiving so that it last more than just one day.  It feels like the last "pure" holiday. No men in red costumes at the mall. No large, scary man dressed up in a bunny suit.  It's just an American day to be and to honor the principle of gratitude.  We want our kids to be more grateful and realize all that they have in life.

So how can you extend Thanksgiving beyond the one obligatory day each year?

Start by looking within. Take a few minutes during your prayer time to thank God for the slightest of things.  Your home, your family, a nice neighborhood, a safe commute, an organized workspace, gadgets, your faith, and so on.  If you can have this conversation out loud, all the better.  Don't be embarrassed- there's real power to vocalized prayer. If you can write it down, don't fight it.  If you can tell someone that you're thankful for them, you're really rolling.  After a while, gratitude expands within you.

Before you know it, Thanksgiving will have increased from within and extended out towards those around you.

How to Rescue Your Vacation Before It's Too Late

Did you know that most Americans don't use up all of their vacation days?  If you don't believe me, read about it here.

I try to take two vacations each summer, one in early summer as a bit of a release from the pressure of the end of the year.  Then, in early August, I like to take another week where I can just be with my family and mentally prep for the year ahead.

Unfortunately, this week (which is my 2nd week) has been a huge disappointment.  I've let my job and its various stresses get the best of me.  My wife even said earlier today, "Seems like you're pretty focused on work this week, even though you're supposed to be on vacation."

Sad but true.

I don't wear this like a badge of honor like some people you meet.  You know, the folks at cocktail hours who spout off about how important they are and how "work would never allow me to get away", etc.

My problem is me.  I've allowed my self to fall into a couple of work-related traps that you can avoid if you really want to enjoy your time off.  If you can learn from my mistakes, all the better.

The pitfall of not cleaning up before your vacation. GTD founder David Allen says this about the feeling you get prior to vacation, "Isn't it interesting that people feel best about themselves right before they go on vacation? They've cleared up all of their to-do piles, closed up transactions, renewed old promises with themselves. My most basic suggestion is that people should do that more than just once a year."

I really didn't clean things up before I left for vacation.  It didn't feel tidy and several days later, I don't feel great.  My inbox was full and I had too many loose ends to tend to.  Big mistake.  It's totally worth the time and energy to address messy details before vacation (rather than during your time on the beach with the ones you love; BlackBerry smartphones weren't made to be used in tropical locations!)

The pitfall of being overly reachable during your vacation. My closest team members know how to reach me when things get hot (i.e. an emergency).  I've unfortunately been dealing with phone calls and crisis emails all week.  Even though I use a vacation auto-responder and my voicemail message tells folks that I'm away, my lack of discipline has made me reachable to too many folks.  While I've been writing this post, two calls have come in which needed some of my attention.  Ugh!

The pitfall of working while on vacation. Does this one really need an explanation?

So with all of this said, a vacation can still be rescued from the three pitfalls we discussed.  I'm going to turn off my phone, go back to a few activities that anchor me (journaling, blogging, fishing) and recommit to my family in the days that I have left.

I feel better already.